Releasing Past Guilt and Embracing Life
Let’s face it, ladies: life rarely turns out exactly as we planned. You probably had a vision for yourself back in your twenties, complete with color-coded Post-it Notes and a meticulously crafted five-year plan. Perhaps you’d envisioned a thriving career, the perfect partner, kids (if that was in the cards), and the ability to jet-set around the world like a character from your favorite romance novel. But here you are, over forty, and you’re realizing that some of those dreams didn’t quite pan out. And, oh, the guilt that loves to creep in and remind you of what you “should have” done.
First of all, let’s collectively roll our eyes at the phrase “should have.” We’re going to banish it from our vocabulary by the end of this blog. Why? Because life isn’t a straight line or a Pinterest board; it’s a beautifully messy, twisty journey filled with detours, reroutes, and the occasional flat tire. And the sooner we embrace that, the freer we’ll feel.
So, grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and let’s talk about how to release that past guilt, laugh at the absurdity of life, and move forward like the fabulous, intelligent, and resilient women we are.
Step 1: Realize That Goals Are Just Ideas, Not Contracts
Remember that goal to marry your high school sweetheart, have three kids, and build a four-bedroom house with a wraparound porch? Yeah, neither do most of us. Life loves to throw us curveballs, and thank goodness it does. Can you imagine how boring it would be if everything went exactly as planned?
Goals are not binding contracts. They’re flexible, fluid, and subject to change as you grow and evolve. Give yourself permission to revise them without guilt. Besides, would you really want the same goals you had when you were 25? Back then, I thought eating cheesecake every night without gaining weight was a legitimate life goal. (Spoiler: it’s not.)
Step 2: Embrace Your Accomplishments
It’s time to flip the script. Instead of dwelling on what you didn’t achieve, take stock of what you have accomplished. Maybe you raised amazing kids, built a fulfilling career, or survived the rollercoaster that is life with grace and humor. Maybe you learned how to make a mean sweet potato pie or mastered the art of binge-watching an entire Netflix series in a weekend. (Hey, that takes skill!)
Celebrate these wins, big or small. Write them down if you need a visual reminder. Every single one is proof of your resilience and brilliance.
Step 3: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
I know, I know—easier said than done, right? But comparison is the thief of joy, and Instagram is its getaway driver. For every perfectly filtered photo you see of someone’s “perfect” life, remember that you’re only getting the highlight reel. Behind the scenes, they’re likely struggling with their own unachieved goals and spilled coffee disasters.
You are on your own path, and it’s uniquely yours. Let’s channel our inner Auntie Maxine and say it loud: “I reclaim my time!” Time spent comparing yourself to others is time you could spend loving yourself.
Step 4: Laugh at the Ridiculousness of It All
If you can’t laugh at life, you’re missing out. Remember that time you wore two different shoes to a meeting? Or when you accidentally sent that email to the entire office instead of just your best friend? Life is full of moments that remind us not to take ourselves too seriously.
So, why not apply this same humor to your “failures”? Didn’t achieve your dream of becoming a ballerina? Well, now you can just enjoy dancing in your kitchen without the pressure of an audience. Dreamed of being a bestselling author but can’t seem to get past Chapter 3? That’s okay—you’re probably better off as the star of your own story anyway.
Step 5: Reframe Failure as a Lesson
Every setback is a setup for a comeback. (I know it sounds like something on a motivational poster but
bear with me.) What’s important isn’t whether or not you achieved a specific goal but what you learned along the way.
Didn’t get that promotion? Maybe it’s because there’s an even better opportunity waiting for you. Didn’t make your first million by 40? No worries; Oprah didn’t start her network until she was 55. Life has a funny way of redirecting us to where we’re meant to be—we just have to be open to the lesson.
Step 6: Create New Goals
Let’s create a new list of goals—not based on societal expectations but on what truly makes you happy. Want to travel more? Start saving for that dream trip to Ghana or Paris. Ready to try something new? Sign up for that pottery class or start writing that romance novel you’ve been dreaming about.
The beauty of being over forty is that you’ve gained wisdom and clarity about what you want. Use that to your advantage and create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.
Step 7: Surround Yourself with Positivity
They say you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so make sure those people uplift and inspire you. If someone in your circle is constantly bringing you down or reminding you of your so-called failures, it’s time to set boundaries or cut ties.
Instead, surround yourself with people who celebrate your wins, cheer you on, and remind you of your greatness. Bonus points if they’re also good at making you laugh until your sides hurt.
Step 8: Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is the antidote to guilt. Take a few minutes each day to reflect on what you’re thankful for, whether it’s a loving family, a successful career, or the simple pleasure of sipping coffee on your porch. The more you focus on what you have, the less power guilt will have over you.
Step 9: Seek Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes, guilt and regret can feel overwhelming, and that’s okay. Seeking help from a therapist or counselor doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re strong enough to take control of your mental health. A professional can help you unpack your feelings, reframe your perspective, and develop tools to move forward.
Step 10: Own Your Story
Finally, remember that your story is yours alone, and it’s still being written. You have the power to change the narrative and create a future that excites and empowers you. Release the guilt, embrace the lessons, and step into the next chapter with confidence.
Because here’s the truth, my beautiful, brilliant sisters: life after forty isn’t the end of the road; it’s the beginning of a brand-new adventure. And if anyone knows how to make an adventure unforgettable, it’s us.
Now, let’s go out there and live boldly, laugh often, and love ourselves fiercely. We’ve got this!
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